You Make Me Physically Sick!

Yo Bitches!

Got some material of legendary proportions for you from work. Recently we have been having a lot of garden furniture delivered (with the summer approaching fast and all). So being part of the seasonal staff I am expected to take orders, help customers to their cars with humongous and quite frankly beach whale Gazebos (among other items)! This is fine and usually ends with a "thank you ever so much" from the customer ... but not always.

1. I am called to customer service to help an elderly couple with a request about one of the swing houses which is on offer.

Old Lady "I saw on the internet that this swing house turns into a bed. Could you show me how it works"

Me "This one doesn't turn into a bed"

Old lady "OH it does. I saw it advertising"

I inspect the swing house just to humour her knowing fully well that there is no way this structure transforms from a seat into a bed.

Me "Are you sure it is this exact one?"

Old Lady "YES it is"

ATTITUDE!

Me "Ok come to customer service with me and I'll look through the patio catalogue to make sure"

She trots along behind me with a look of cock sure bewilderment on her stroppy face! Her husband bringing up the rear ;-) ... I look through the catalogue and find the swing they are interested in. SHOCK SHOCK HORROR HORROR the photo does not show it as a bed and nowhere in the description does it say that it is convertable!

Me "That's not the one that turns into a bed"

Old lady "Well it was advertised that way"

This was the sentence she then came back with everytime I tried to tell her she basically wasn't getting the cheap swing as a bed. What was wrong with this biatch? Her husband finally chipped in and saved me after I simply fell silent.

Old Man "Love, it ain't gonna convert into a bed. It's completely rigid on the sides"

Old lady looks towards me with her ridick determined expression yet again.

Old Lady "That is the right one"

When will this tyrant give up and die?!

Me "Sorry it isn't and I can't help you with it"

Old Lady "Is there anybody who can?"

Me "I am on my own today"

Old Lady "OK well thanks. Bye *fake laugh*"

My eyes rolled so much I nearly lost them to the back of my head.

2. A lady (if you can call her that) returns an antique style chester drawer because it is damaged. I help my colleague swap it with another one in better condition and we haul it downstairs. We then hover around customer services for 5 minutes waiting for this 'half-breed' to finish browsing. My colleague eventually decides to tell her that we are ready to take the drawer to her car to put in her boot for her. She gestures that she is ready and so me and my work mate take it outside into the car park ready to load up. 5 minutes later we started to wonder where she was so we went back inside.

The BREED is only in the exact same place! My colleague tells her that we have been waiting for her (which the evil witch already knew). So FINALLY we get the box into her car and she says to both of us in the driest tone ever "You'll need to have a week off sick now"

:-O FUCKING SLUTTY SLUT McSLUT SLUT-HO BAG! However she was right, the sight of her face all scrunched and crow like was enough to make anyone take leave!

Lessons Learned: Old women are annoying and and breeds shouldn't be allowed into any public space without a leash.

CIAO FOR NOW DEAR READER x