The first of these half breeds is The Rude. One particular day I had been majorly busy on the shop floor and had a lot more to do before the end of my shift. While in the middle of one of these activities I was inconveniently called to the tills. I wasn't too happy about this but went unwillingly anyway. My face was that of glumness and aggravation. As some of the customers had been waiting a while in the previous queue they were stood in I was not greeted with very gleeful punters, rather a line of murderous and vacant stares. Like I'm bothered that you've been waiting 5 minutes in a queue while I've been sweating my bollocks off all day trying to make the shop a nicer and more efficient place for you to shop! Anywho, I served the first couple who completely blanked me. At this point I avoided there blatant ignorance by checking on the length of my queue. I noticed that two people down this lady around 65 was giving me bare evils! Normally this would make me act hostile towards her but I thought that I would prove her obvious thoughts of me wrong and be overly nice as she approached the till. I CLEARLY said "hi" and then as I had no response but a creased up grimaced granny fanny face staring back at me with disgust I started scanning her items. Then she spits "HELLO?" I halt my scanning and look at her with confusion "sorry?" She boils and shakes like a saggy wrinkled volcano and repeats like a spacker "HELLO?!".
Volcano Face!
She has said this singular greeting word to me as though I had had my back turned to her the whole time and had not greeted her. I then said with all the angst in my belly "I actually already said hi to you". Her volcanic eruption was soon made dormant with that as she feebly responded "well that's OK then" I then gracefully launched the full bag at her and flung the receipt into her decrepit hands as I sent her on her un-merry way!
Next on the cattle march is The Pompous. I am confronted with a middle aged couple. The woman is instantly opening bags and preparing to pack with her head down. I then look to the husband and his pig ugly red face. Yes people this is most definitely a case of battered wife! So I am already taking a disliking to this man and my opinion is not improving by the end of this story. The last item I scan is a gravy boat and it's base. The grunter asks me very arrogantly for some bubble wrap and claims in his condescending tone "or it's going to break isn't. It should already be in bubble wrap to be honest" *tut*. I then gladly tell him and his stinking attitude that we don't provide bubble wrap. His then complete ignoramus reply is "That's ridiculous! All shops have bubble wrap. Harrods provide bubble wrap". Harrods? FUCKING HARRODS?!!! Look around man bitch we are not on Oxford Street and this is not bloody London! if it was I certainly wouldn't be sitting here working to assist tits like you! in reality I simply shook my head at him and abruptly shrugged as I turned away from him. "That's it I'm going to wait in the car!" BYE BYE NOW! His wife then continued to pack and pay. I was nothing but polite to her as I knew what was awaiting for her back in that car!
So be on the look out for The Rude and The Pompous for me friends and make sure you give them a swift back hander! Thanks!!!!
Part. 2 next week - we look at The Awkward and The Tantrum.
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