Tuesday 17 April 2012

Off the Scale!

Howdy y'all!!!!

I've been an idle moron and not written in a while. But this can mean only one thing. lots more customer related mayhem to fill you in on!!!

It seems that a singular day does not go by at work without a theft of some sort. Yet another reason why I find it extremely difficult to be pleasant to some of these zombies.
They are potentially trying to ask you the locations of items they wish to hoard under their scabby track suits and for the ladies ... under their scabby track suits, until they casually sway like a primal ape out of the store with the concealed item.

The main reason I am anti-thief is because I have to tidy up the fucking pandemonium mess they leave behind. I once found a mountain of security strips clinging to the packaging of an item which evidently didn't need one of the bloody things on it let alone 57! I then discovered what seemed to be the whole of the arts & crafts section in a laundry basket with yet more s
trips amongst them. This little hobo had stolen more than £100 worth of art paint! Talk about art attack!

Another section these little bog rats love to delve their greasy little hands in to is the fishing aisle. There must be something about the smell, makes them think of home and their sad simple lives. Also there is the connection between their memory span and that of the fishes themselves ... the fishes being of slightly higher capacity of course. This numbness of brain must also lead them to think that the discarded packets
for their stealing's must belong with the bins and drinking glasses!!! ... yes my section just for the record.

Thieving Mofos Never Looked This Slick ;-)
Now I bring you to the part of the story when I was confronted with pure and utter stupidity. I was approached by a young lady in her late teens. It wasn't a particularly warm day but she was wearing a tank top with no jacket. She was also sporting a raggy mane and jittery eyeballs. I thought she was a bit special for these reasons but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She came up and started questioning me about the kitchen scales. She wanted to know how many "ounces" (of drugs) it would measure up to. Claiming her "pet hamster" (drug pusher) needed exact amounts. I thought this was a bit odd but I explained it all to her. She then went "nah it costs too much". Surely you saw the price before you picked it up you mangy cow! Anyway after I vacated her company I uttered my usual under breath "idiot" and continued tidying up. I later reached the kitchen scales. I was curious so I continued to inspect the boxes to see if she had actually bought one. BEHOLD the same amount of boxes but one open and empty! So this druggy slag cuntess thought she would find out every detail of the item she was planning on stealing from a member of staff first? REALLY?! I then wrote down the name of the item, description of the girl, the approx time of the theft and reported her to management. All those who think her singular brain cell should be put up for adoption say AYE! .. oh wait it died.

Morals:

Don't trust a person who paints a lot.

Don't trust a fishing enthusiast.


Don't trust people who wear reverse season clothing!


They are all robbing scummy bums!

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