Bunting. FUCKING BUNTING!!!!!

Today's tale has become one of my most told and now I will share it with the rest of you. I have had my fair amount of rude, moronic and simply stupid customers coming up to me. But if anyone was to ask me who was the most memorable, the BUNTING MAN would be the first to come to mind.

It was just before the royal wedding in 2011 and I was helping a young woman in her late 20's select the right size storage container for her kids toys. I actually had an excellent sales assistant/customer rapport going on with her and we had just found the perfect box when this happened ...


I feel a bulky-sweaty-red-faced-alcoholic-lard-belly presence approaching me. I directly avoid eye contact (standard) and continue speaking to the lady I am already serving. I then feel his overly stubbly face popping my personal bubble so I look up to avoid being exhaled on by his bogging fumes. 


I am then "greeted" with the doziest most unintelligible laying of words I've ever heard "GOT BUNTIN'?!" Excuse me? What now? Was that English? Are you sure you formed a whole sentence?


After wiping the spit from my mug I realised just how much this guy looked like a Monster Munch character, only nowhere near as tasty. I had no idea what this "BUNTIN'" was so I did what any other sane person would do and asked "What do you use it for?". I received a look of hatred as though I had robbed his first Special Brew six pack of the day (which I could presently see sweating out of his pores). He looked at me with utter disgust when I asked this question "What do you mean, What do you use it for?!" At this point I had to have so much self restraint even though I wanted to burst. I slowly released my next few sentences through gritted teeth so he could thoroughly understand "I don't know what it is? ... So if you don't tell me what it is ... then I won't be able to tell you if we sell it or not?" He then realised he had been a dick head and sheepishly said "It's for the royal wedding" followed abruptly by me "by customer services" I then swivelled and turned my back to him before he could continue with his arrogance. How am I supposed to know what bunting is? I'm sorry but I wasn't alive during the last royal wedding in 198-fucking-1!!! Obviously I know what it is now ..

Buntin' innit?!

... but that's not the point. I asked him a simple question and as if he wasn't being rude enough already by interrupting me and another customer he had the cheek to try and condescend over me. Yeah mate the only thing you have a plus on me with is your age! So take your bunting and stick it up your arse flag by flag!!! You leech!


Leech = a customer who interrupts you while you're already serving somebody because they are too idle, ignorant and lazy to find someone else!


Next Week: Foreign Exchange.