Happy Shoppers

To get through the day at work you do need to create a certain amount of humour. As they say, "If you don't laugh, you'll cry". And this is most definitely the case working in retail. HOWEVER some customers think this also applies to them, it doesn't. Ask me where something is, that's fine. Ask me to get the price for an unlabeled item, gladly! But keep your oh so hilarious comments to yourself. Maybe it's the unfortunate demographic of our customers but they are about as funny as a funeral!

I'll examplify shall I?

A rather rugged but in no way handsome Indian man in his mid 30's approaches me with what I presume is his also unfortunate looking girlfriend. He begins to oralise in a low and serious tone. "can I ask you something?" "yes" "You know that sign on the door which says no dogs allowed? ..." Now at this point people I presume he is going to ask me about where would be the best place to tie his dog up or if it would be ok to bring a small dog in store. But to my total and utter amazement he finishes his sentence with " ... so does that mean 80% of the women in Coventry?" .................................................... In case you are wondering those dots represent the silence that followed. And of course my "really?!" face. "It was supposed to be funny. Ha Ha" Now the fact he actually SAID the words Ha Ha just goes to prove how metorphorically shite his joke actually was. Moral of the story, ugly people shouldn't tell ugly people jokes!

"Really?!" Face

Now the previous array of stupidness was the literal kind of bad joke humour. But some people also believe that unecessary sarcasm is in order when they can't get what they want.

A lady approaches me around Christmas time holding a snowman light. She utters "Do you have any more of these? The battery back is missing on this one" I respond with the standard "If there aren't any more on the shelf then I'm afraid we don't have any in stock". Then like a parrot she repeated what she had said previously "But this one doesn't have a back on it". At this point I simply shrugged "There's nothing I can do" as I was just lost for words to reply to her ignorance. She then stomped her pound shop heels, smiled like a twat and with all the sarcasm she could muster "Thanks for all your help" then turning like a robot in the other direction she spits out some more dire wit "He must love his job". Now I'm not the best at controlling my temper but I let her walk about 10ft before pronouncing "YES I FUCKING LOVE IT! SERVING CUNTS LIKE YOU!!!!!" AAH that felt better.

More stories about nob jocks and fanny flaps coming your way soon :-)